SHARK WEEK!

In case you fell off the face of the earth, or have been underneath a rock in the amazon, this is a friendly reminder that this week is shark week. Oh Joy!

They seem to be focused on Great Whites,but there are like 30 other species of sharks. I understand that they are popular but I would think Discovery would do the unexpected and try something new...hmm. Just a thought Discovery Channel. :)

I suggest you watch, even if only for a minute I promise you will learn something new, especially if you are not fascinated with sharks.

Beautiful Monster

Love here
<3

I heard this song on the radio the other day and kind of liked it. Well at least I thought I did.




I guess I liked it because I have been called this more than once. Yup. I mean being called beautiful is sweet. At times I laugh when I hear it because its my middle name, and I feel like people are playing a trick on me. I had to get over that though. I thought this song was sweet because he was saying he needs her, blah blah blah. As I listened to the song, I actually realized I DO NOT LIKE IT. And I DO NOT think "beautiful MONSTER " is something you should call a female.

What??? Monster??? According to Wikipedia, a monster is "any fictional or hideous creature, usually in legend or horror fiction. The word connotes something wrong or evil, a monster is generally morally objectionable, physically psychologically hideous, and or a freak of nature". Did you read that. A freak of nature, and something wrong or evil. SO just because you slap the word "beautiful" on the front of it, it makes it okay to call a female a monster? Im catching undertones that she (the female) is an object to him, and psychologically not all there, so he has to show her the way. Definately dont like it. Im tired of hearing songs where it sounds like the male really likes the female, and "needs her", but if you really pay attention he's talking down to her.

Honestly no matter what "flattering" adjective you put in front of monster, it doesn't water down the meaning. The thing about a monster is everyone wants to see it, be in its presences, but nobody truly ever wants to deal with a monster. Everybody is scared of a monster. Thats why its a monster. If you got along with it or could relate to it, it would be your friend. Not a monster.

So what happens when you cant deal with that monster anymore? When you realize that monster has the capability to rip you to shreds. Kinda like that white syberian tiger that chewed on that guys head...How come there arent any songs about that?

Just something to think about.

Luego
<3

Its MY party I can cry if I want to

Love here!

<3

You know when that day comes when you are so happy to be alive? When you realize you have made it another year in the crazy world? When you look up and say: Damn! Its my birthday already?! Yes yes ya'll! It my birthday! Aow! But see theres something about this day that brings me to tears. "Why"? you ask. Because. Today is June 25th.


Everyone knows that June 25th is the day that Michael Jackson passed. Some, like me, think he was murdered, but that's another conversation for another day. Im not going to create this dramatic story about the day Michael passed;that I cried all day, and listened to his music all night, and cried the next day and so on. I didnt. June 25th 2009 was a beautiful day. I woke up, put on a cute dress for work, and left early. My grandmother was in town and made a great dinner. My boyfriend was also in town that day, and was at my house when I got there after work. Although this day was a sad day for some, it was a nice day for me. It was my birthday.

I did not believe that Michael had died. I saw on the news that he was rushed to the hospital, and made my sister change the channel. I refused to hear that he was dying right before dinner. For the most part I work on my birthday, then come home and eat dinner and cake. Well on this birthday we were waiting for my mother to come home with the cake, while we watched T.V. To tell the truth I thought Michael would never die. I thought I would die before Michael Jackson died. I thought of him as immortal.

It wasnt until my boyfriend and I went to the bar before we went to see Transformers to that I found out. Some girl had just got of work and was yapping in her cell phone.

"I know girl! I cant believe it! I cant believe that Michael Jackson is dead!"

I froze.

"What?????"

I looked at my boyfriend.

"What is she talking about? He's not dead. He just went to the hospital. Why is she so loud with that? She needs to not-"

"Yea, he's dead" said bluntly

"Hunh?!"

"Yea, he died earlier. I just didn't have the heart to tell you."

SHOCKED.

Michael. No not Michael. I still did not believe that he was dead. I refused to believe it. I had a major case of the denials.



This actually is not the first person who I care about that has died on my birthday. The summer after my freshman year, I found out that my friend from junior high was killed. On my birthday. It really put a lot of things in perspective for me. That I am truly blessed to see another year. Anything can happen to anybody. No one is invincible, although we tend to think we are at times.

BUT Who wants to believe that the greatest entertainer of all time is dead? It really hurt my heart to hear that, and then to realize that it was true. Hearing it wasn't the hard part. It was the seeing his body rushed to the hospital, hearing exactly what happened to him, seeing that crazy ass doctor act like nothing happen, and then really realize that Michael was gone that was hard. He was gone. He is gone. After all of this, how can I be happy on my birthday? The one person who I truly loved is gone.

A bit dramatic I know, but I love Michael. I woke up to MJs voice, and will probably dance to it tonight in the club. There is no need for me to even speak upon the greatness that Michael was. I always think about how loving he was. People slandered his name, humiliated him multiple times, made fun of him endlessly, but he still loved them. That type of love does not come around often, and I guess that is what really made me sad. To realize that the love that Michael possessed was gone. So I cry. And since its my party I can cry if I want to.


Anyone who knows me, knows that I am the definition of a cry baby; extra sensitive, waterworks over spilled milk. I cant say that it is something I am proud of. Sometimes I wish that I could be as cold as others, and not cry over "stupid" things. I wish I didn't get my feelings hurt by the way people speak to me, or don't speak to me. But I do. I cant help it. If I could it would have went away a long time ago. I had to accept that this is just a part of who I am, which is why I'm okay with crying on my birthday. I don't think Michael would want me to cry, but if he knew they were happy tears I think he would be ok with it.

So, as I celebrate another year of my life, I celebrate more than that. I celebrate his legacy and greatness that touched the world. I celebrate his love. And I celebrate that me and him will be linked on this special day forever.




Luego!
<3

Fathers Be Good

Love here!
<3

Happy Fathers Day! To all the dads, dads to be, grandpa's, uncle's, step dad, and just males in general that take care of children, even when they don't belong to you: Happy Fathers Day! Anyone can be a father, but it takes a lot to be a dad. Anybody can shoot some sperm off into a woman and create a little one. It takes a strong, open, willing, truly loving individual to be a dad. Dads have to sacrifice everything for their child, and if need be, even their life.


I once met this guy who had a child. He was a father, NOT a dad. It was a random Friday, at one of those clubs where drinks cost a dollar for most of the night. This dude was 6 ft 8 in, and loud as hell. From the moment I walked into that club he was trying to get my attention; he gave a shot out to my purple shirt, and how nice my skin tone was. ( wierrddd) Half way through the night, after enough cheap liquor drinks to cause a massive headache in the morning, he takes a seat next to me. The music was loud, and I was tipsy; I tend to loose my hearing when liquor infiltrates my system. Long story shorter he ask for my phone number. I give it up, not able to think of a fake excuse not too, or formulate a fake number quick enough. The moment this guy finishes entering my number in his phone I see his wall paper on his screen. Its a picture of him and a small baby. I ask him who that is and he tell me it is 7 week old son. At that time that didnt mean anything to me, but time showed me this dude was a father and not a dad. About a week later this dude calls me and I can hear music in the background. First off it was a Sunday night around booty call hours. B, he clearly sounded distracted and I couldnt understand why he continued to talk to me. So by the end of the conversation it comes out that he is at the strip club and just wanted to check in with me before the weekend was over... Hunh? You are at the strip club on a sunday? Im all for fun, but on the lords day? Butt nekked women? Word? Ok, to each his own. First red flag. I would expect a guy who has a child, to be home with that child on a sunday night. But thats me. A couple days later he calls again; we have the usual "getting to know you" convo. He ask me what I like to do, and when I ask him the same his answer really shows me who he is.
" Drink, smoke, party, go to strip clubs, chill out with my friends" he says

"And what about your baby?"

"Oh yea, that lil nigga too."

Wait. What? That lil nigga too? Maybe that wasnt his exact wording but he might as well have said that. On top of that he went on a tangent about how much he hates his baby's mother, something about a restraining order, and that when its his week for the baby he doesnt have to see her. After this day I never talked to this guy again. It just didnt sit well with me that he had a 7 week old son that he had no care for. SEVEN WEEKS? This bundle of joy just got here and you clearly are not concerned in the least bit about your impact on his life. It really hurt my heart to see something like that. His whole situation showed was a prime example of some one who was a father and not a dad. Not in the least bit.

I also knew a guy who was a dad. The moment he found out that his girlfriend was pregnant, he went a bought a ring. At that time he was a student in Atlanta, and his girlfriend was in Ohio. That summer he worked, and worked out a way to transfer to a school in Ohio to be with fiance. He ended up moving in with his then fiance, taking care of every need she had, and waited happily for that baby to pop out. It wasnt until after the baby was born, that he was told it wasnt his. I know that hurt him a lot, because he did everything he had to do to be the best dad to that child, and to find out after the fact that it wasnt his really messed him up. But even then he still took care of that baby as if it were his. He did not have to, but he did. And they fact that he says a lot about his character.

I realize that to be a dad, you take accountability for your actions or decisions and become a provider, a rock, a being that will be needed for a life time. Not everyone has the mental capacity to do this. Some think they do, but when they are placed in that situation they may become scared, realize they are too selfish to do this, and run. My grandfather had over 20 children. He only married to two women; my grandmother, and his now wife. Although he was a father he was not a dad to any of those children. He ran from all of them and tried to hid all of them from each other. It wasnt until his death that my grandmother, father, and uncles met all of their other brothers and sisters from all over the world. It was the weirdest experience Ive ever had. Here we are in this church, saying good bye to this pivotal person in our family, but also saying hello to 20 new additions to our family. I couldnt understand why my grandfather would do such a thing; leave his children and pretend that they didnt exist. But I realize now that some people are meant to be dads, and some can only be fathers.




When I start my family with my significant other, I know that I want him to want to be a great dad. I know that I will need him to be a rock for all the times I that I cant be. I know that I will need him to be stable, when I am too emotional. I need him to be logical when Im illogical. I basically need him to pick up on all the things that I lack. But most of all I need him to want to be a dad, and not just a father. I dont want him to just be ok with being a father. I want him to want to have a family, to want to be there, and to be willing to give up everything for that seed. I know it sounds like a lot, and a bit extreme, but really thats what is required of a dad, and thats what I want. A dad.



Now I know everyone has their daddy problems, lord knows I do. How many times have you heard: He wasnt there enough, He never listened to me, He never was there for me, He yelled at me too much, He never loved me, He never told me he was proud of me, He never let me live my life, He never approved of what I did, He pushed me too hard, He never really cared, He never talked to me, He lied to me, He hurt me, and so on and so forth. The fact of the matter is there is no dad that will be perfect. He's always going to fall short in some type of way because he is human. What truly matters is that he is doing his best to provide for you, make sure you are safe, and give you all that he has to offer. There are people that arent blessed with a dad, that will never have a dad, and always harbor some type of pain for not having one. So instead of pointing out what your dad does not have, be thankful that he is your dad, that he loves you, and that he is a part of your life, because there is always someone who hasnt had that blessing.


Lastly I really want to give a Happy Fathers Day to the Dad of all dads. My father GOD. Thank you for always loving me. Thank you for blessing me with a dad that would sacrifice any and everything for me. And thank you for always being my father, even when my biological couldnt bother.

Give your dad an extra hug, kiss, time with the remote, something. And give your real dad all the praise he deserves.

Luego!
<3

For the Bread and Butter

Love here!
<3

Happy Friday! Ive never done a Friday post. With work sleep and alcohol consuming most of my Friday nights, this is one of the first times in months that Ive ever just been in bed. WOW. Its nice to be able to relax, and honestly have nothing to do for once. Aoow, hope your Friday is as pleasing as mines.

Today is May 21st, the birthday of one of the greatest rappers ever. Christopher George Latore Wallace aka The Notorious BIG aka BIG aka Biggie aka Frank White. He would have been 38 years old today. Any one that knows me knows that Big is my favorite rapper. For the whole month of March I made some of my favorite lyrics of his my status via facebook. I even watched his life story everyday from the day of his death until the end of March,a bit much I know.

Hip-Hop has changed a lot since his death, and I don't know if its been for the better. Although there are a lot of talented artist out there, I often wonder would they be around if Theee Notorious were still alive. A lot of artist only got hot, once he was gone.Where would Jay-Z and Nas' status be in the best rapper alive category? Would Jay Z be as accepted as he is today? Don't get me wrong, I have all of Jays albums, and often catch myself rapping along with him. But I do wonder if he just filled the huge void in rap that Biggie left.Would artist like Wakka Flakka Flame and Gucci Mane be played on the radio??? Would people even take them as serious as they do right now? Honestly, "BRRRRr?" WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DUDE?


I'm not saying that Frank White was a genius, but he was very gifted. No one spitted hot fire like he did (shots out to Dy-lan), and to this day artist still use his lyrics.I think the greatest thing was his story telling abilities. I remember hearing Suicidal Thoughts as kid and really thinking he killed himself.

He was lyrically clever, and had an appeal about him. It was his charisma and hunger for what he did, that made me love him. He didn't have to look good, or have washboard abs to appeal to me. He was passionate, and you could hear it in his voice, with every rhyme. Being that me, personality, I am a passionate I can identify with him. Being a BK breed, I guess its in my blood to rep him to the utmost.

Even though I say all this about B I double G I E, who knows what he would be to this day. He could be retired; fed up with the game and all the Hhwackness that has taken over. He could be chilling with his wife and family producing like Dr.Dre in the cuttttt (ahem, Detox anybody?). Or he could be dominating the airwaves and leaving no space for mediocre rappers. Heaven only knows.What I do know is that he is truly missed.

Everybody listen to a Biggie song tonight, say your favorite line, and pour a lil liquor for The Notorious One. May he rest in peace.

Enjoy some videos of the late Frank White.



The live performance at Howard that they remade for the movie!


This performance also lmao! Look at DIDDY! HA!


My favorite song ever. This kids are so cute!


Luego!
<3



Who was/is your favorite rapper? Did you listen to Biggie as a kid? What was your favorite song? Who did you think was better; Pac or Big????

AMIGOS!!!

Love here!
<3

What a weekend! This month and for the next few weeks, is the time when college seniors graduate! Aaaaow! After four long years of debauchery, studying, flip flopping majors,flip cup, and conning teachers to pass you, ITS ALL OVER! Sad face! Let me stop. College was and will always be one of the best times of my life. I feel as though college is the place where you really learn who you are, who you could be, and who you do not want to be. You are placed among so many people and personalities that you are forced to find yourself. At least I was. I found I was extremely loud, rude, and kind of obnoxious. But thanks to the people around me who cared for me, I LEARNED that is what I was. No one in high school let me know how loud and crazy I could be. Sad. I know "You should know how you are, no one should have to tell you." True. But how do I know HOW I really am, if I think I'm ok, and someone doesn't? What I see as ok could be horrible to another person. I guess I just learned how and when to turn on and off certain traits. There are certain times for certain things, and there are certain times not for those things. Get it? (weird wording I know)

The biggest thing I got from my college experience was a group of friends who I found truly cared for me. They were like my family away from family at my home away from home. These people got me through a lot during my college years, and in my little head I truly thought we would be friends forever ::cue best friends forever song::. But remember that other thing from college you get, you know the whole growing into the person you want to be thing? Yea. A lot of the times that person is not the same naive, playful, sensitive person who started these friendships.

I guess it just hit me that me and my friends grew apart, and I would rather like anyone that we grew together. Unfortunately this is not the case, and this weekend really put that all into perspective for me.

On Saturday morning I drove with my friend to Atlanta from Maryland at 5 am. Why would I do such a thing after working a 40+ hour week?? All week I had been contemplating whether I should take that trek down to Atlanta, knowing that 20 out of my 48 hours would be spent driving. Although I hate to admit it Atlanta does have a little, itty, bitty, teeny, tiny,teentsy,weentsy piece of my heart. THE SMALLEST SLIVER. This ride was one of the longest rides I have ever had, I only slept for 2.5 hours and drove for 3, so for 5 hours I was just awake. You would think "Oh no, you are with your friend, you were fine!" No. Me and my "friend" of four years, who I use to talk to at least once a week, about everything, didn't even talk for a full hour. We grew apart. Its funny because we live in the same state, in the same city, within 5 minutes of each other. But for some reason on this ride we had nothing to say. I never realized that we grew apart, and this drive just solidified that for me.

Once I got to Atlanta, I called all of my friends who lived there and only got through to one...out of FIVE people. I was so upset at myself because I felt stranded, and my "friend" who I drove down with straight DITCHED me the moment we hit the Atlanta streets. Sad right? But funny nonetheless.

When I finally made it to a friends house, I was greeted so warmly.
"Bitch."
"What? Whats the matter?"
"Dont talk to me bietch. Go talk to your real friends"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes." BOLD FACE

Waow.I guess we grew apart too and I didn't even know it.I was hella excited to see this chick, and was greeted with profanity. Nice. Oh friendship.

I guess I couldn't be mad. I don't call her. But if someone who you care about doesn't call...wouldn't you call them... to make sure they were ok? Wouldn't you keep calling if you truly cared? How are you mad at me...when you are doing the same thing? Should I be mad at her? And I understand why she is mad. She felt that I didn't care for her anymore. And maybe I don't. Maybe she's right. Its a very harsh reality that I have to come to grips with. Maybe I don't care for her right now, but that doesn't mean I don't care at all. Friendships can be so complicated. I often wonder why.

Some people have a partner in crime. That one friend that when its time to be somewhere and do something they are there, ready for action, and they push through with you until the end.I love my partners in crime.This weekend one of my partners in crime and I did the most in the least amount of time. It was crazy! And we were exhausted by the end of it all. Somehow we went to barbecues, went clubbing, visited friends, attended two graduations, AND brunch, in less than 24 hours! I feel like it was a span of 12 hours. How do you do all that? Graduations are 5 hours on their own. I'm still wondering how we did that, and why I'm not asleep right now as I'm typing this. We may not talk everyday or even every week, but when its time for us to get together and some ish, we do it big. And I love her for that. Even though Ive grown apart from some friends, I wish that all my friendships could be like this. I wish that whenever we saw each other we could just fall back into our old ways, like we never left. I wish we didn't take the distance and the silence so close to heart. I wish we weren't so melodramatic, making mountains out of a molehill...or even an ant hills. But I guess that's who've we grown into.

Let me just say, I love my friends to death. Whether we talk everyday, or don't even speak anymore. I still love you. Once you are my friend, you are always my friend...unless you do something to cross me. Even then, I still love you out of the goodness of my heart because that's who I am. My feelings for people don't change over night, or even over years. They just don't.


Luego!
<3



How were you in high school? Did you change a lot once you got to college? What is one of your best memories from college? Are you still friends with anyone from your college years? Converse! Por favor!

LOVER HERE!!

OH EM GEE! ITS BEEN A MONTH! I KNOW I KNOW IM SLIPPING!

No worries, the lovechild has many adventures to share! Its been a very busy and trying month and a half, but Ive been writing behind the scenes. Just haven't had time to edit and tweak the adventures to my liking.

I will be back some time this week with some new ish mayynne! hahaha

In the mean time enjoy some videos and songs that I love :)



(you better find heErrRR)



(come on Em! I missed him)



(song for the boo!)



( this time baby...)



(MmmmmMMM CUDDI!!!)

Conversations with My Grama

Love here!
<3


So, the other day my grandmother called me from Trinidad. It had been at least three months since I talked to her last, and it was nice to see her name and picture pop up on my phone. As soon as I answered the phone I realized how rude, crazy, and almost senile grandmothers can be. By the end of the conversation I also realized that grandmothers posses so much wisdom and truth that it you should always make time to talk to them, especially when you cant seem to find any answers to this thing called life.

"Why haven't you picked up the blasted phone to call me? You don't miss a damn thing! Why is it so hard to pick up the bloody phone?!" were the words that bombarded me within one point five seconds of talking to my Grama.


"Grama. Why are you cursing me out right now?" I said with laughter

"Cursing?! I am not cursing! Have you never heard me use the word bloody?! Since when is damn a curse?!" said dearest Grama

Last I checked damn is a curse, but I was taught to listen and not argue with my elders. We caught up on the weather, and the new flowers in bloom. Then of course the love life questions came. Earlier this summer she met my now ex, and gave him the run down. Turned out she really liked him and saw he had his "head on straight". I really did not want to get into it with her, being that its still a very fresh wound and I have barely told anyone. As in any family if you tell one person something, by the end of the night the whole family knows. I had to let that go though, because unless I told her the whole truth she wouldn't be able to give me real advice on what to do. I am glad that I told her.

When people are hurt, we tend to want to get away from every and anything, which at times helps but also hinders our healing process in the end. I realize now that I should talk to my grandmother more often, because she has been here 3 times as long as I have. My friends who are the same age, cant really help me or give me advice as to what the future holds. My parents can give me advice, but being that it is coming from a "I'm telling you what to do" place in my eyes, it goes in one ear and out the other. But Grams knows best, shes been there seen that done that, not done that but wanted to do that, or saw a friend that did that and saw that it didn't turn out well (lmao).

I admire my grandmother for her wisdom, and for her patients. She's not the type to preach and then throw it in your face when it goes wrong (ahem, mommy) Shes the one who listens to the situation, plays devils advocate, gives her past experience and what she has learned from it, then tells you to do what your heart tells you. She tells you it may not go well, because there's no need in creating false hope, and lets you know that no matter the outcome you will be ok; and that you are loved no matter what, by her and the most high always.

"Remember that you are young, smart, and a beautiful young lady. You can be whatever you want to be in this world. You can be WITH anyone you want to in this world. So, if you want to be with this man, you will. But take your time, have your fun. You only do this damn thing ONE TIME. So do it with everything that you have darlin'. No one person is worth stress, so don't do it. Period. If you find yourself stressed and you don't have any children or a ring on your finger, step away. PERIOD. If its meant to be it'll come back together, don't force it. You're young, have fun."

Simple.

I'm having a ball. Thanks Grams. I love you.


Luego!
<3

Remember

The person that you were has died
You've lost the sparkle in your eyes
You fell for life into its traps
and now you want to bridge the gaps
Now you want to bridge the gaps
Now you want that person back

And all your ammunition gone
ran out of fuel to carry on
You don't know what you want
Because what you want does not want you
What you want does not want you

Say I am
I am Wonderful

Garry Go "Wonderful"
____________________


Love here!

♥

So lately I've been listening to a lot of music, reflecting on my life, and realizing that I am wonderful. I am not saying this to be conceited, or to praise myself, but to help me remember everything that I have to offer this world. To help me realize that there is no other like me that can do what I do and therefor I am wonderful. There are people and situations in life that will try to rip you to shreds. They will try to break your soul, body, and mind, but it is ultimately up to you. It is up to you to let these things happen. Things only break you if you let them break you. Period. By no means am I saying its going to be a walk in the park, or that its easy to not let things get to you. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I will be ruled by my emotions no matter what. BUT I can choose to let certain things shake me to my core. I ultimately allow these situations to ruin me. Or I can stop. Look around. Realize I am still alive, blessed beyond many, and have so much to offer this world. AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT. Not person, place, or thing, but POINT in life. In my journey, our journey called life.

I know I'm making it sound simple, but I know it is hard. Nothing in life is simple. And if you see that it is, you need to look at the situation with some different eyes because something is up. This world will try to break you. There is no two ways about it, but it is up to you to allow it to do so. Always remember you are strong. Much stronger than you think. Always keep fighting, its about getting up after the fall, not the fall itself (shtsout2nk). Always remember you are wonderful. Yes, you have done some bad. No one is perfect. Accept all your bad, take accountability, but keep moving. Remember you have so much more good to give.

Just keep going.

You are wonderful.


Luego!

>

♥

RUN!!!!!

Love Here!!
♥

Its been a HHWhile, I know. Sorry. My internet was out of commission for a about a week, then some traveling took place, and bla bla blahh. But none of that matters, because I am back. Better than before, but still on my way to becoming my best. Its going to be an exciting journey, and Ive come to realize it...finally.

So as I reflected on past relationships and events that have happened in my life, I realized that it would only be right to share some things to help ladies from ever going through what I went through. See, I am a sucker for love. Every little thing that has to do with love, I let it consume me. [Que A. Keys "Love is like the Sea"]
BUT There are signnsss ladies. SIGNS! When something is NOT real, and a person is not being TRUE TO YOU. WHEN you see these signs. Run. In the opposite direction. RUN. RUN GIRL! RUNNNNN!!! hahahah, I'm really not playing. I can laugh about it now. But seriously. Run.

If a guy tells you within four months of dating that he loves you, is in love with you, or any version of love. RUN.
I say this because 4 months is not enough to truly know a person. You cannot love someone you do not know (unless you are a newborn child). In order to be in love with a person you need to know them fully. Their good side and their bad side. Four months is not enough time to know someone. I'm sorry. I know it sounds nice when they say it. I know you heart melts and all that. I know you feel like you love them too. But it is not love. You are still in the infatuation stage, too early to be love.
SO Run. RUN GIRL. In the opposite direction

If a guy is telling you BEFORE AT LEAST TWO YEARS OF A RELATIONSHIP he sees you as his wife, or is calling you wifey, and he says he is serious. RUN.
Anything less than two years in not enough to know a person, let alone realize if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. To realize you want someone to be your life partner means you have gone through many ups and downs with them. You have to experience ground breaking events, earth shattering events, and make it through them to realize that this person is here with you through thick and thin. And anything before two years will not provide you with that. Once again Im sorry. I know its been a year and some change, and you think its all real. But just take step back, and let time show you who that person truly is.
So again. RUN. RUN GIRL. In the opposite direction.

If a guy has to tell you all the things he is. If he keeps saying; "I'm such a good guy I don't know why I can't find a woman." or "I'm the realest guy out here" or "I'm a good guy. I really am. I don't know why past ex's treated me the way they did." RUN!!!! Ladies. PLEASE remember the dog with the loudest bark DOES NOT have the hardest bite. Do not listen to a damn thing any guy says to you. OPEN YOUR EYES, and WATCH. TIME will only tell who and what a guy is. Please ladies, do not fall for the sad stories. There are always three sides to a story; his side, her side, and THE TRUTH. And since you may not ever talk to her, or ever find out the truth, do not give your trust so easily and quickly. Simply Watch. Take mental note.
For the last time. RUN. RUN GIRL!!! IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! RUN!!!


By no means am I trying to put down men. There are wonderful men out there. Some of my closest friends are of the male species,( lmbo) and they have shown me true friendship. NOT TELL ME that they are my friend, but stood by me when I needed them, gave me advice when I needed it, told me about myself when I didn't want to hear it, and provided a shoulder every single time I cried. What I am saying is there are men who will say anything to get what they want. If they want you at that moment they will say and do whatever it takes as long as it yields the result they want. I have been through that, and if I can stop that from happening to one more female then I will be at ease. Actions speak louder than words. A man who is true will show you with his actions not his words how he feels for you. HE WILL SHOW YOU IF HE TRULY WANTS YOU AND LOVES YOU. Period. And if he does not.

RUN.

In the opposite direction.


Luego!
♥

Love : Desire, Ability, or Job

Love here!
♥

I found a blog by one of my closets friends the other day titled “The ability of Love”, and it spoke to me. It made me think about what I consider love to be and how I let it affect my life. I use to fantasize about being in love; that it would be the happiest time in my life and with it I would be complete. I believed that with love nothing in my life could or would go wrong and that I would be in this paradise; like Id be laying on a beach all day and a waiter would bring over one of those nice drinks that are in pineapple with a pretty umbrella. (you know that place I’m talking about?) I know it sound silly but I really believed that when I was in love this is how it would be. I guess that’s how I wanted it to be. I was very naïve and young, and still am. I slowly realized love is not just an emotion, it’s your actions, and it’s your willingness to compromise and deal with circumstances that come your way. It’s your ability to trust with out fear and let go of things so they don’t affect your actions in the future. If you can not do this, then you are not ready for love.

Now I can be a very spiteful person, but since I’ve gotten some of my closets friends who are 10 times as I am, I learned how that can hurt relationships. I learned how making another person hurt should not make me feel good and I promised myself that I would never do that to a person. Its hard not to react when you’ve been hurt, very hard, and when you are in the moment and do not take a second to think about what you are doing, you can end up causing more damage than good. I’m a person that is ruled by my emotions, I simply am. No two ways about it. SO I’m not going to learn how to put them aside in a day, it’s going to take a while to get out of habit. Supposedly it takes 30 days for your body to realize a habit, and if you’ve been doing that thing for years, wouldn’t it take more than 30 days to get out of something that comes natural to you? Not saying that without work you can’t learn to stop it, and it is going to take a while. Not a day or two, or even a week. Probably not even a month if you’ve been doing things like this your whole life. Therefore it takes patients and trust that a person really is trying to change.

In my homies blog he says “We have to stop looking at love like a feeling an more like a journey with no destination… how different would we act if we couldn’t tell someone loved us back but rather loved because it was the right thing to do…” He goes on to conclude that love is more than just an emotion and that people cant use others emotions to create love, we need to love fully because it’s the right thing to do. I fully love because it’s the right thing to do. There are people that I love I have to never told because I knew they didn’t love me back. I didn’t stop loving them, and I didn’t stop being a friend to them because I know if I were the one was in that persons place I wouldn’t want someone to stop loving me. I don’t want someone to love me just because I love them. I want them to love me because it’s the right thing to do, and because they feel in their heart that they trust me, that they will work with me to make things right when everything seems wrong, and that they truly believe we are to be one.

Another good point he made was “love requires the strength to carry the load sometimes when the other is down and out in need of support… an endurance that is showcased everyday when surrounded by a world that doesn’t get or want love and will do anything to tear it down”. Love is for more than the willing and wanting, it’s for the strong who realize the work that keeping love in their life takes. It takes a sense of optimism to realize that at the end of the day if you believe love is worth working for you will do it.
People have this picture of what being in love should be, but nobody really wants to work at it. Being in love takes flexibility, persistence, and heart on both sides, not just one. And if both sides feel like the other isn’t giving enough then there something missing. Communication- but that’s another blog at another time.

My heart is tired, and my eyes burn. Maybe I’ll be in love again someday, but as for now it doesn’t feel like it.

Love out

♥

The beginning

Love here!

♥

This is the beginning of an adventure, my adventure. My adventure to love. I want to love again. Not a person, but myself, my life, and everything in my life. I feel as though I'm so far from loving the way I use to, and I just want to get back. So far gone. Too far gone to the point that the other day I didn't think I would ever love again. I was in a dark place that I hadn't been to in years and a place I promised myself I would never go to again. Unfortunately I was there, and had been there for a while, but was too blind in what I thought was love to realize where I was. Only when the smoke and mirrors crashed and faded away did I realize what the hell happened.

I call myself a lovechild because of how I was conceived (we will get into that later, much later). I consider myself to be a very loving person, sometimes too much. I love people and life despite the ugliness, lies, and hurt they put me through. Throughout my life I have been hurt many times; but I have always managed to get back up and love 10 times harder than the time before. No one loves like I do. I believe its a gift and a curse...

So, right now I'm experiencing the 5 stages of grief. I know by the end of the week Ill be ok, but its only day two. I feel much better today than I did yesterday but boy is it hard.

The 5 stages of grief they are : 1)Denial and Isolation, 2)Anger, 3)Bargaining, 4)Depression, and 5)Acceptance

So I definitely went through stage 1-3 already. I'm either in 4 or 5 right now. Im pretty sure its 4 because there are moments when I think Im ok...and then there are moments where Ill just start crying hysterically out of nowhere, or cant sleep for hours.


I open with this just to explain where I am right now. So some of this will be funny, happy, hysterical, but some of it will be sad, miserable and a little redundant. But I know I need to do this in order to move to a more positive place. Let go of the old and embrace the new

I know its going to be hard, with a lot of tears and anger, but Im ready for an adventure. (happy dance)

Love out.

♥